If No One Claps, Clap Anyway

Supporting yourself when the world is quiet

Support has always been a huge thing for me. It’s something I deeply crave in all of my relationships. When people ask what I want out of a relationship, one of the first things I say is support.

So much of my life, I’ve waited for someone else to see me, to cheer for me, and to validate the things I was doing. It was always an outside source, validation, or support that fueled my motivation.

Everything I did was for praise. If no one clapped for me, what was the point? If my post didn’t get enough positive feedback, likes, sales, or traction, I’d deem it a failure. My motivation and consistency disappeared if I didn’t get the immediate response I wanted. I didn’t realize how much of my confidence depended on outside applause just to feel like I was on the right track. It’s not that I didn’t believe in myself; it’s that now, I’m finally learning how to stand in that belief.

One of my first memories of this was when I was in performing arts classes growing up (a deep passion of mine that I’ve lost through the years - but that’s a topic for another post). I loved to perform! To be on stage, to be seen. But my passion for the craft was tainted by the reception and praise I received. I remember getting off stage and asking my mom a million times, “How did I do?” “Was I good?” “What did you think?” She’d tell me how well I did, but it still didn’t penetrate.

It’s hard for me to be proud of myself. Honestly, I can’t even remember the last time I truly felt that. I’ve done a lot of incredible things, but they almost feel like nothing to me. I remember a life coach years ago asking me, when I first bought my condo all on my own at 25, how I was going to celebrate. I had no answer. She pushed me to realize that it was a big deal and that I deserved to celebrate myself. But why was it so hard for me to see that?

Maybe it comes from my perfectionist tendencies, my deep craving for approval, praise, and to be seen. Maybe it’s because I’ve always felt like I need to earn love, praise, and respect. That I have to be worthy of it. Everything I know now tells me that’s not the truth.

As I spoke about in my very first Substack post, there have been so many ventures, hobbies, and talents I’ve walked away from because they “failed” or didn’t take off the way I envisioned. I’d convince myself, “People don’t like this. It’s dumb. I’m not getting support the way other people are.”

But I’ve finally had enough.

Recently, I watched a video from a Bashar seminar (you can watch it here). He said:

“You are not following your passion for its own sake but for what you think it will get you. You have to follow your passion regardless of people’s response because there simply is no other choice for you. That’s being who you really are. It doesn’t matter what others think or give you; you have to follow your passion for your own sake or you’re not being pure about it. You’re using it as a condition to get feedback, to be validated by the outside world. The outside world cannot validate you, you can only validate yourself. As soon as you start doing what you love for your own sake, not for the feedback you’ll get, it will expand. More people will find you who will support you. But you can’t do it to get the support, you have to support yourself. You have to know that you are valid.”

WHEWWWW. That was a read! That video literally changed my life!

It was the push I needed, the answer to why I never stick with passions for long. It’s because I was doing it for support. But I can’t rely on anything outside of me for that anymore.

I know I need to be my own supporter. I need to create for me, even if no one reads, even if no one cares. I have to feel good about what I’m doing. I have to be proud of myself. If I don’t support me, how can I expect others to? If I don’t believe in my vision, who else will?

I feel more courageous than ever now. I’m no longer afraid to try, and be seen trying. To fail, and be seen failing. I have so many passions and creative pursuits that I don’t want to hide from anymore. I now have the courage to follow my purpose: communication, public speaking, teaching, media, and storytelling in any form I’m drawn to. I will be proud of my work and not let the response define me.

So if you feel similarly to me, I want to encourage you to be your own supporter. It’s about whispering, “You’ve got this,” when no one else does. It’s learning to anchor yourself in your own certainty, even when the world is quiet. We have to feel worthy of our dreams and to not give up when they aren’t immediately well received. Do what you love for the love of the craft. Do it for the right reasons, and watch how it transforms you.

Of course, I’m just starting my journey with this, but I’ve never been more excited! I’m already seeing a huge shift. Creating doesn’t feel like a burden anymore because I’m on my own side. I’m my biggest cheerleader. I’m the biggest fan of my own work. And at the end of the day, I’m realizing that’s all that matters.

I’m sure there will still be days when I crave reassurance or wish someone would say, “You’re doing amazing sweetie.” But I’m learning that my validation means the most. That I can hold space for myself, clap for myself, and trust that I’m enough — even when no one is watching.