I Crash Out Every Summer

But this year, I’m choosing peace over pressure.

Lana Del Rey was so real when she made Summertime Sadness. For as long as I can remember, summer always brings up tough feelings for me. For me, it’s sadness and anxiety—anxiety most of all.

For most people, it seems like the opposite. A lot of people get SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) in the winter, but mine is in reverse. I recently saw a TikTok of someone who finally put this feeling into words, and I felt so seen.

I think for me, it’s the pressure to enjoy the summertime. Living in Boston, it’s such a short window when we can truly be outside, go to the beach, swim, etc. There’s this overwhelming pressure to take advantage of it all. To do everything. To be everywhere at once.

In the winter, I’m perfectly content doing things on my own or staying in on a Friday night with no plans. But in the summer? It feels like I’ve completely wasted a sunny day inside. Like I missed an opportunity to be out having fun. Like I’m a lonely loser if I didn’t have plans on a nice summer day.

Summer seems to symbolize freedom, like this magical time where we’re finally allowed to enjoy life fully. The days are longer, the vibes are brighter, and suddenly there’s this internal push to do the most. And because summertime feels so limited, it makes you want to jam pack every moment with plans and incredible memories.

I read this line in Psychology Today that really hit home:

“Summertime, while often associated with relaxation and fun, can also bring about various pressures. These can include social expectations, body image concerns, financial strain, and the stress of managing schedules and routines. Additionally, some individuals may experience seasonal affective disorder (SAD) in the summer, leading to symptoms like agitation, anxiety, and sleep disturbances.”

Like… wow. It’s not just me. That hidden stress of trying to live your “best summer life” while also keeping up with everything else…it’s a lot.

Social media doesn’t help. Seeing people with their friends or significant others on boats, having picnics, going to cookouts, eating BBQ and ice cream. It’s like damn, I should be doing that. And don’t get me wrong, I’m guilty of it too. I love posting the fun stuff I’m doing. We love content over here. But here’s where it all goes oh so wrong for me…

The more I try to avoid FOMO, the more stress and overwhelm I put on myself. I suddenly have too many plans. I’m saying yes to everything. I love being outside, I love the sunshine—but I’m not giving myself any time to recharge, or to stay consistent with the things that keep me grounded.

Even this month: I got to do some amazing things, Houston for the Cowboy Carter tour, then Martha’s Vineyard right after. I’m so grateful, but I’m also wiped. The pace caught up to me fast.

I hate falling into this pattern every damn year. It sounds so obvious and simple to just live normally and not give into these (self-inflicted) pressures to have fun. But this is just what summer does to me.

Summer 2012, the one before I went off to college, was when I first felt this way. I was terrified to leave home, even though outwardly I acted excited. I was so damn anxious that all I wanted to do was isolate and sleep.

And then there’s the infamous Summer 2021 (my villain origin story). My anxiety was at an all-time high, to the point it was affecting my health. (Most of my anxiety shows up as physical symptoms because my conscious brain loves to tell me I’m “fine.”) I was living alone for the first time, with not many friends to hang out with and no hobbies. Horrible combo. All of my summer fears came to life. I had never felt so lonely.

Since then, I’ve made a considered effort to never get to that place again. I fought like hell to change my life and I’m so grateful. (You can read more about that journey here.) But I’d be lying if I said that fear doesn’t creep in every summer.

So I overcorrected. I went the complete opposite direction: staying busy, filling my calendar, saying yes to everything, taking up new hobbies, joining groups, traveling. Anything to protect my mental health. And in many ways, it worked.

But I’m learning that even now—happy, surrounded by people I love—I can still feel anxious and overwhelmed. Just in a different way.

So this summer, I’m trying to find balance. To be compassionate with myself. To ride the emotional waves instead of fighting them. To enjoy summer in ways that nourish me. Ways that don’t isolate me, but also don’t deplete me. I’m retraining myself to believe that this season doesn’t have to be different from the rest. That my well being comes before FOMO. That my peace matters more than a picnic or a party. Because I refuse to crash out again.

If you’re reading this and any part of it resonates, I hope you know you’re not alone. If summer feels heavy, weird, or overwhelming sometimes… same. You don’t have to force yourself to match anyone else’s version of fun. Whether your summer looks like solo walks, messy rest, spontaneous adventures, or quiet weekends in the AC it’s still valid. You’re still living. You’re still enough. My hope is that we all feel free to enjoy summer in ways that feel good for us. Not pressured, not performative, just real.

Each season of life teaches us something new. Summer might never be my favorite but I’m learning to appreciate the lessons it brings. And when fall comes, I always feel like I’ve grown into a stronger, softer version of myself. That makes it all worth it.